Sunday, October 20, 2013

Listen to me

Part 4
(Note: The Girl's name is now "Ellie" and The guy's name is "Carl")

She picked up her phone twice and left it aside twice. She wasn't sure if she could text him this late but she couldn't help herself. Her guts churned her. Carl hadn't called her the next day and tonight she felt frantic. She did not know what her behaviour had meant to Carl, but she hoped as hell that he didn't hate her. It was 01:47 AM she noticed, 2 nights without a word? She picked up the phone again and typed "Carl?" and pushed the send button. As soon as she sent the message she felt her nerves burn and felt a wave of anxiety.

Feelings she was unaware of burst into Ellie. She bit her lips cussing under her breath for having sent it. But.. she could.. she had a right to.. didn't she? It was just a text she told herself. Calm down she thought and turned the other side of the bed facing the lamp bursting yellow across her face. Her heart almost sank when she heard her phone buzz. She picked it up and read "Ellie? (: " to which she felt relief taking over her. "You haven't spoken to me or .. texted? Are we good?" she sent. "Baby, I thought you were mad at me.. would you believe me if I told you I am standing right outside your apartment and was debating whether to ring the bell or not?????" his message read. And the bell rang. She was shocked and before she knew it she sprang out of her bed and opened the door where he stood in his bed hair and comfy clothes "Hey you" Carl said as Ellie examined him. "Want to let me in or are you just going to check me out?" he smiled kindly and she let him in. She locked the door and was just turning when he threw his hands around her pulling her to him. He locked her in his embrace and she found herself burying her face in his shoulder happy.. happy to know things were the same between them. He set his face on her head as they hugged and spoke in a mushed voice "God have I missed you, Midget" he said. She giggled and looked up from his hug and pulled his cheeks.

She pushed him away, he let her. She felt a little awkward for no reason and he could sense it. He switched the conversation and inquired where Rish was "She is at her mom's" said Ellie. "So you're saying we have your apartment to us?" he arched his brow. She facepalmed so hard he couldn't help laugh. He moved across the room into the kitchen switching on the lights and rummaged the fridge irritably to which Ellie inquired "What do you want? Don't molest the fridge" she said "Do you not have any guy food in here? Like meat? Fried food? Uggh" he picked up bread and cheese spread "this will do" he tossed all of those in Ellie's hands "get to work El" he demanded. Ellie squinted her eyes at him to which he passed a knife and a plate in addition and said "Oh and I don't mind some Coffee either" he grinned. She shook her head as she rolled her eyes and said "Why are we friends again" and in reply he simply parked his butt on the kitchen counter waiting for her to fix him some food. "Uggh. Moron" she said as she started. "So why didn't you call me?" he said looking at her hands move swiftly. He never noticed how tiny her hands were compared to his he thought. "I..." she shrugged and looked at him "Why didn't you?" she said almost thoughtfully. "I thought you were mad at me for J.." he looked at her now as he spoke "June?" she completed? He just nodded. She looked back down fixing the sandwich "hot? or cold?" she asked "What?" he said like he'd be slapped? "The coffee?" she smiled "Cold" he said "Well? Aren't you? Mad? At ... Me?" he said softly.

She smiled while her thoughts ran back to his relationship with June and how they looked like the best couple. They always seemed to get attention where ever they went. She loved Carl to death and wanted happiness for him no matter where. But June.. June put herself first instead of Carl. It was Okay to be selfish but she was a different kind of a selfish, she disrespected his friends, his love and manipulated him. This bothered Ellie. Not to mention June and Ellie never really got along and Carl really did hurt on that. June was his girlfriend but Ellie.. Ellie was his best friend, he didn't have to explain what was going on to her and she would understand. "So? Either you don't want to feed me or you're really not paying attention to what I said" he said breaking her thoughts. "Whaaa?" she said when she realized she put all the milk and water in the electric kettle which was now boiling "I am so sorry Carl, I really am. I don't know what.. Jesus! I am sorry." she felt really bad she screwed up his coffee. "hey come on El.." he got down the platform and hugged her from behind urgently pulling her torso to his "that's alright, so what? Hot coffee sounds a better idea right now anyway" he caressed her shoulders and realized what he did and pulled away.

 She smiled and said "I would never be mad at you Carl, its your life.." she said "But?" he added? "But .. I wish you knew when to stop being kind to people who took advantage of you." she said in one painful breath as she poured coffee in two mugs and they walked into her room where she placed the coffee and sandwiches on the desk and turned to find him standing right there. He tilted his head and said close to her face "Like you?". "What?" she said. "You don't realize when to stop being nice either." still holding his face close to hers. "Rubbish. I'm brutal" She snorted feeling exposed to him in this proximity. "Nah!" he said "You're pretty damn nice El..." he smiled his half smile which made her stomach turn into a valley of butterflies. He caught her expression and dived in the moment "Ah Ellie, Stop embarrassing me. If you need to kiss me just ask." he joked to which Ellie just rolled her eyes at him.

"You don't realize you're worth Ellie. You keep coming back for people even when they don't deserve it. You have taught me the little patience and love I know. You want me to give that off??" his question posed a hidden concern. She held her gaze on her mug as she spoke "I know June is great, you feel happy with her Carl. I just had a moment. It's gone. Don't worry about it, I will always support your decisions like I have." She managed a smile she thought was convincing "June is a great girl." she said. He spoke with his mouth full of a bite "You're selling Bull today?" he swallowed. "Baby, you're no good at lies." he laughed. "Whatever" she shrugged sipping and sinking back on her beanie. He couldn't help but get up and go beside her and hug her from behind as she sipped her coffee and whispered in her ear "Do you mind if I stay back at your place tonight? Since that evil witch isn't here?" he breathed so lightly it tickled her. She only turned so lightly to face him and said "If you need an excuse to run away from your Girlfriend?" she raised her eyebrow sarcastically. He tickled her ribs and nodded in approval "Not Bad El! You're getting a hang of it." he said. "Now! Can I stay? Please? We can talk all night. We haven't done it in a long time." he almost begged like a little puppy. "Alright Alright!" she said. "What if June asks you where you are right now?" she asked plainly "She will survive. Or won't! Either way, I don't fret with her friends so she shouldn't be nosey when it comes to the only girl I like hanging out with." he said pushing Ellie's hair on one side and rested his chin on her shoulder as he spoke. "El?" he said. "Hmmm.." she said too absorbed with this proximity. "Never leave me. Kay? No matter what." he put his arms across her hugging her and leaned his head on hers. "I won't. You're my Carl-bomb." was all she said. "Are you planning to finish the coffee ever? Lets crash already" he pulled away her mug and pulled her off the beanie. She tossed all the dishes in the sink and came back to the room and found him on the bed attaching one of the speakers to his phone and playing songs.


She sat beside him holding a book in her lap. "Seriously? That's what you're gonna do?" he pinched her arm. "You know, I remember how the first day we met. You were reading a book at the cafe while Rish sat across you. My eyes kept coming back to you for some reason while Rish kept on chatting to some idiot boyfriend of hers. You were so absorbed in reading you didn't realize or care people trying their luck to get your attention." he said as if narrating a story. "My attention? I can only imagine the cashier wanting my attention" she laughed. He shook his head and draped his arm around her and said "You really don't know your worth. You are beautiful El." he snapped. She could feel her face go warm and hoped she didn't blush. The music had changed to a softer song now. "I wanted you to look up. So bad.." searched for words "I wanted you to look up so bad and look at me" he said again. "Why?" said Ellie. "Because at that moment I couldn't imagine going back home without knowing you.. or having you as a part of my life." he confessed. "Carl.." was all she said and her fingers didn't have control anymore. She reached for his hair and slid her fingers through his hair almost not knowing what she did. "Ellie. Don't let any one separate us. The day I met you.. that night. I have never been happier before. I considered myself lucky when you even smiled at me." he stammered "I .. I.. I would never lose you to anyone. Call it fate? You know I don't believe in that bullshit but you do. You always have El. But this thing called fate.. It got me you, the best person I know. I don't need to pretend around you. Being with you is as easy as breathing Ellie." he said it all like he never thought he had so much to say. Ellie now lay beside him looking at him and said "Carl, when I saw you smiling at me. I had to recheck and look behind.. I was so astonished to have YOU looking at me. I was like damn, what did I do right.?" She shook her head trying to make the conversation a little funny. "Shh. Listen to me El.." he pulled her closer. He cupped her face "Ellie.. Why am I doing this..." he was in that moment not the Carl she knew. He was so cautious, careful yet so scared and vulnerable! He swallowed hard "It hurts when you're away El." he spoke as his thumbs brushed her cheekbones gently.

They could both feel the tension. They could both feel a strange spark they always did at this proximity.Ellie pulled away though her body refused to. Carl caught her waist and turned her back to face him. "Don't!!" he protested like he lost something "Don't El. I promise I won't do anything to screw us." he begged. "I...We.. we should sleep." was all Ellie could manage to say. "Yes. We should." he nodded suddenly realizing what he was doing. "Do you mind if I hold you El? Do you feel that it's Ok?" he asked. "Just Sleep Carl. We'll wake up and this will be alright." she broke down saying the last word.

Carl felt a sudden wave of emotions over him and he wanted to make her Ok. He wanted her to know he was there but he knew he had done too much. Scared Ellie too much. Ellie, the same Ellie who he always thought of as a responsibility of his. He always looked out for her because he knew she was too easy to hurt. He hurt her now. How could he? All he wanted was to tell her how special she was, but he fucked up. AGAIN! He was still thinking this through when he pulled Ellie right beside her and covered Ellie and him in the same blanket and kissed her head. "It's alright Ellie. I'm sorry. But I need you to hug me right now. We'll sleep now." and she did.

 She always thought it was funny how he could ask anything of her and she didn't think twice and followed his instructions. She hugged him and he held her cautiously as they both lay there. Both lying close. Ellie would give anything to know what Carl was thinking right now and Carl.. Oh Carl would do anything to calm Ellie right then. They survived everything together - heartbreak, loss, pain and happiness. But how would they ever figure what was happening to them? They didn't speak there after that night, but both lay awake in each others hold thinking all the while... thinking what and why and yet not questioning the innocence of it all. Ellie gave in to sleep. Carl looked down at Ellie and smiled as she lay there - beautiful, innocent and vulnerable. His phone rang and he turned only enough to grab it to put it on silent careful not to wake Ellie up. It was June. He looked at the phone and then back at Ellie. He knew what felt right and did what he thought was best that moment. He kissed El's forehead lightly with affection and moved up to answer June's call, when he moved out of the room he turned back and looked at Ellie once again. That was when he froze. He COULDN'T!




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