When dark at night xoxo

I reckon events down the memory lane. Sometimes when you let your memories take over you have the most convincing bittersweet feeling that only you, within your heart can understand.

When dark at night, when the sun goes down, when people are busy winding their tired day up, for some who're wishing the day to end.. when a few are waiting eagerly for the night with expectations for maybe meeting someone, maybe anticipating someone's text late hours, party heads getting ready for another jive, lovers that wait just to unite, couples secretly disappearing from gatherings just to spend some time, people with crushes exchanging those secret eye locks and messages, that perfect long drive with the someone you met and had them figured wrong all the while and discover how amazing they are, the long walks you have with that girl/guy where you two possibly walk slower just to bargain time you want to spend with each other. So many emotions, so much to say, such little time and too many misunderstandings to solve.

Nights, the dark, the time between the sunset and sunrise may surprise you. The most unexpected things happen in the night. The time when you hide your faces in the shadows and speak freely of the will that maybe felt exposed in the light. Secrets spilled between friends late nights that easily pass on as strong memories. Sweet nothings between lovers who have nothing but that time frame where they can truly convince and determine what exists is surreal. Confessions that start something new, confessions that keep you awake. The dark brings those crazy times when you and your friends want to get wasted and debate on who's place to crash or even be crazy with. Night brings two strangers who always had feelings for each other, hidden maybe, together for maybe a small conversation.. where they get to know each other better and ease their nerves to happiness. Some may just hope their pain goes away, their happiness returns the next day. We are all playing a small part of the bigger stage.

Nights keep me up to be honest, for the thrill of it. I endure a lot of memories, live in them and remake those memories. I keep my memories alive at night and sometimes rethink them to make it better. Nothing is hidden from us, nothing. Our species, humans, we know a lot, but are scared to really ponder over the obvious for the fear of HURT. Hurt, its a powerful emotion, it can make or break so many. It's remarkable how we survive each day and wake up to the next feeling a different mood or a different person everyday. Hopes, wishes, dreams, desires, love, lust, prayers, hate, happiness, solitude, jealousy, happiness, assurance, longness - what is your pick at night?

Imagine the empty roads under the sky, how pretty they must be! The cold breeze, the starry nights, streets full of light.



Nights, what happens in the night is what marks a difference for our tomorrows. I made many friends, acquaintances and a lot of bestfriends. As cliche as it may sound, I adore the night for what it gives is peace. It is that slot of the 24 hours where your mind can unwind and repeat the day and your heart can give in or give up on situations. It is a breather for the soul. If happy, the emotions are heightened at night, if sad - misery overwhelms you completely. Such is the power of night. When God planned our stay as beings, I'm pretty sure he was convinced of the oddity of life for humans and maybe grinned at the splash of black he painted we call "Night".

All the anxiety, imagine what 7 billion people are doing right now? Given our different timezones someone this very moment is in love, someone may just have gotten a dream job, someone may just have married the man/woman of their dreams and some may be in deep slumber dreaming their dream. The dawn cracks brings hope, restores doubts or maybe gives you a new meaning to the day, the sun ensures that the night had happened and now you get to live what you went past last night. Embrace the dark, welcome the light.

When dark at night, your mind is free, your mind knows its state and is ready to give you answers you might have not known. Listen to your heart, let your mind take you places. When dark at night, don't be scared, you shine your brightest in the dark. Hold that true. For what nights holds is bittersweet, a mix and match of emotions you really need to reflect on.



Stay Blessed, Stay loved and always proud.
(I am a night person, nocturnal and epic)
Tash.
xoxo

Riddles those dreams..

Up in the air, Breathing the chills,

Blinding lights, vivid horizons, 

Today I look, look you in the eye,

 I grab the sight to chase the dream.

Touching the unseen, breathing the free,

Drinking despair, shuffling fate, 

Today I wear, wear the ensemble of hope,

I dare it all to chase the dream.

Played the devil, tilting sides,

Trading souls, repeating them chants,

Today I trace the lines of my palm, trace them to reassure,

I endure it all to chase the dream.

Shrugging fear, jazzing away,

Touching my heart to feel again,

Today I know what's at stake, at stake is all,

My life, my name, all to chase a dream, to capture a perfect being.

It's all a riddle, plotting schemes,

Making decisions, uncanny or bleak,

Tossing hope, juggling insight,

All wrapped around, that riddle; my dream.

She is .... Her

Why'd you want to take on the crowd?

Why'd you want to nest a doubt?

Why'd you want to judge at all?

Is it all you can make of her, it's your call.

Why'd you want to dread her soul?

Why'd you want to narrow her down?

Why'd you want to creep her out?

She's only herself, not chasing the crowd.

She's the breeze from the wild,

She's the reason you defy your sigh,

She's the belief you gave up on,

You won't be sorry, don't pour your hate on.

She's the water that rebelled the stream, 

She's the breeze that freed your dream,

She's the hope you juggled for,

Don't bind her in chains of character and doubt.

She has her high, she has her lows,

She doubts her will, thanks to many blows,

She has a heart, brittle and wounded,

She won't believe the praises, she outgrew it all.

She searches for the hand she once held,

She longs for her misery dead and gone,

She wants her world free of sadness,

She will wait her time and see what passes.

She's destined to battle, to be scarred and bruised,

She puts her smile on, like an Angel's charm,

She wears a Halo, absolutely pure,

She's human, she's a hero, she'll bare it all.

Go on now, call her names,

All she will do is, fear and fall again,

She falls to only rise again,

She's herself, she will love again.

Fetch her sorrow, fetch her thorns,

She'll shake it all off, watch on,

Fetch her worry, scar her heart,

You're making her stronger, indestructible of course.

She's carefree, a rebel, shrugs faults out,

Hugs herself, holds her head high never a doubt,

She's naive, maybe stupid, she knows it all,

Careful yet living, a paradise, her own.

She's herself, original, not yours to puppet around,

She's brilliance, majestic, you'll watch it all,

Heaven or Hell, above and beyond,

She's herself, she's never gone, always wearing her invisible crown.

Love,

Tash

Xoxo

Tribute to My Idol, Papa.

Perceive what can be done, refrain from thoughts that pull you down. This is something I always say to myself. Defeat whatever is defeating you. Yep, philosophy is the way to go sometimes. Generally, I am as friends call me .. Positive, fun loving, caring and weird in unexplained ways. Lol!

Mind is what we make of it, feelings are how we deal with them and love is reflected how we treat others. For me, my life revolves around my family. For what I am in flesh and blood is how I have lived, fought, battled and loved my way through life even as it is going on.

Family comes first. Fathers! The one and most singular influence that can shape and reflect in a child's life. A father and daughter relationship will forever be unexplained and yet the most endearing one any family can encounter. A girl's first true love is always her dad. She sees her hero, her idol and her safe nest in her father's eyes. Rest assured, I am a proud daddy's lil' baby!

                  

They say God could not be everywhere so they made moms, true. I think God knew a lot .. He created angels, protectors, faith and taught honor to mankind by sending dads. 

We as girls try to find ways to impress our dad, may it be by knowledge, talent or just being downright pampered. Little do we dummies know that in our father's eyes we are the most priceless possession they could have. 

       

For me, my favorite day in the world was when I was born to my PAPA! There is this surety in life when you are with your father, that no matter how bad life gets, one stroke of his hand on your head will wipe away all worries. Such is the power of a father. His eyes will speak volumes of compassion and protection for his daughter, oh don't get started about how possessive a father is for his daughter, Lol! 

In life, no matter how low I was or how happy I was, I always knew I had my dad to who'd always say " Baby, no matter how bad the situation is in life, don't worry till I'm alive, no one has the strength to do you harm." How do you hear such words and not feel safe? How can you hear something that has unquestionable power and calm and not feel secure? For me, my dad, has always been and always will be my strength and my way to never quit.

"Times get hard, people will change, but know one thing, Papa's a call away" .. Things like these, cute things dad used to say. I mean come on, it used to sound so funny sometimes and I used to be like "really?" And then we used to laugh. I have learnt so much, so much in life in such less time that I have lived. 

I have grown and changed as an individual drastically in the last few years. When someone you've banked on all your life and felt secure in presence of suddenly .. When something so drastic and unimaginable slaps you in the face, life leaves you a hole you can't really fill. My lowest in life has been when my Hero, my God, my Idol and my strength - Papa; passed away. A hole? A space? A void? I was deranged.. Felt physically handicapped, mentally flushed, looking at people for answers with the same question everytime with an answer that was forever understood. Losing someone is heartbreaking unquestionably. Losing someone in front of your eyes standing incapable of help or unsure if your final words are heard or even registering to the one sole person your life revolves around at his last moments........... I cannot explain the desperation, the pain, the frustration and the prayers you make to God or the devil to reverse time.

No amount of assurance from friends, no amount of prayers or no amount of time can fill a loss that has left a part of you defenseless and wounded.

Whatever I am, if good I owe it to my dad and mom. If bad, maybe whatever lessons I have learnt along way have really left a mark. In life, there is a time to grow up and we all do, no doubt. Growing up only got harder when reality hit me - it was time to bid farewell to all dreams that once I'd seen keeping my vision with dad in mind. Realizing each day, when I wake up, when I go greet his photograph its hard to believe I won't get to hug and kiss him good morning which he really got mad at if I did not. That I wouldn't share all the half made up stories that he easily caught and said "Beta, Tera papa hu, gappe kam mar". I would no longer listen to the experiences he had to share. The music I grew up listening to because of him .. Eagles, Elvis, Andy Williams .. The movies and documentaries we used to watch together and not sleep half nights debating and discussing the truth and rubbish in them. Debating on whether "Que sera sera" or "Angelo" was better to listen to. Discussing wars and history.... Yes! That's what my dad and I did, always discuss things like friends. I mean who does that? Sports, music, politics, people, rights and wrongs .. Motivation and of course the strict business all out of love and nothing but love and so much more that I can add.

As soon as they'd sleep I would turn my tv on at 2 in the night for football and dad used to wake up and check up on me in my room and go, "what match?" And then grab his seat next to me and ask "Chai? popcorn?" used to be like Gosh! I cannot get over how much fun life was with my Papa. Watching television at night and then after the match he used to be like "if you don't wake up for school tomorrow ..." And smile. The gravity of a father daughter relationship is epic. Even as I say all this I don't know whether I'm smiling or .. You know .. 

                    

    

People say you get used to not having someone in life, ask us, none of us, not a day goes by where we don't remember dad. On lookers and so called "good wishers" speculate on how happy we seem to be and frame morally disturbing statements. Do you as outsiders really bloody care what happens? No! We plaster smiles on our faces because that's what we have been taught "face life, it only gets harder, smile." 

On Father's Day our dad used to get so mad at us if we didn't wake up early and greet him with hugs and wishes. Sometimes, we used to actually let half day go by to test his patience and he would be like "Mother's ko Hi sari importance? Hah! No one loves dad?" Till date, Father's Day has always been more in mind than any other day because of the importance a single man held in my life - my dad.

There will never be going back to him when I am in trouble, never will I get to see him again, no more hugs, no more hand on my head to calm me down.. No more discussions that matter as education on life, no more .. Well he's no more.. But he lives.. In memories. You live in my memories and you live and exist in my life so much so I know you're looking down at me right now and thinking why am I up so late and what the hell is keeping me up.. Well, it's you Papa! Happy Father's Day .. I love you to the moon and back.. One thing I am sure of is.. Maybe our time this life has been denied or expired, maybe I won't learn more or hear you again, but someday I will see on on the other side and I will hug you so tight...

So yes, thoughts that can lead you to a low sometimes, just reliving memories can bring you happiness with excruciating reality check.. But that's what life is.. Living and playing your part out right till the very end.

To all the sons and daughters and grandchildren and people, love your parents, we all come with a limited time and once our part is done, there is no staying back. Go run to your parents and tell them you love them, they expect nothing but love from you and that's the ground reality.

Happy Father's Day to all the dad's in the world! :D

For me you have and always will be my inspiration and reason to take life positively because you even in your lows never ever gave up.

Love you Papa..

Xoxo

What else breaks with a break up?

Break ups! The word itself sends an Ouch down your mind.. Doesn't it?

Break up has its own lil pain and its own lil pluses (You don't say?). Strange is, to many of us it sounds tragic and to many of you, it might sound freedom. This world is crooked I tell you.

Break up is not necessarily with just your girlfriend or boyfriend or love, it can be with your unspoken crush, your friend, your best friend or even your imaginary boyfriend (don't go judging me).

Love and heartbreaks, all that is common, very sad, very tragic and very hurting blah blah blah (sorry for the lack of enthusiasm, but been there done that sort of a thing and its pretty much an everyday thing) .. So my point being (yes I do have a point) the most heart breaking break up is .. When you break up with your best friend.. Yes.. Before you go saying whatever, give it a deep thought, what would you do waking up and not having that one person you wanna complain about your lousy day or bad relation, your dispute with family or crappy colleagues at work? What would life be if your friend didn't kick your butt and get you going when you are low, or when she/ he comforted you when you thought you couldn't get out of your deep pit of dark? What if you BROKE UP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND? Would you ever be able to fix that feeling, or ever replace that one true friend?

My bets are, you cannot. You may replace love, boyfriends or girlfriends, jump from one crush to another but a best friend? My friend you are in for some deep serious shit if your best friend is gone.. To that matter, you know how it sucks when your BFF doesn't have time for you or suddenly starts behaving in this strange uncalled manner, isn't that like so damn annoying? When they don't understand that their tiny change in behavior is magnified cuz you're their best friend, they're dumb, why don't they just say what's bothering them instead? You wanna kick some sense in them and say "bitch don't you dare leave me or I'll haunt you after death" ..

Love is complex, it's scary. Friendship? It's easy, sorted but very hard to maintain and uphold.

Always love your best friend, because if I didn't wake up tomorrow, I want my best friend to know that even when I died, he/ she was one of the last people I thought of before Poofed. Lol!

Here's wishing, friendships always remain the most vital part of our life and they be a part of our life forever.

Peace.
Xoxo