Perceive what can be done, refrain from thoughts that pull you down. This is something I always say to myself. Defeat whatever is defeating you. Yep, philosophy is the way to go sometimes. Generally, I am as friends call me .. Positive, fun loving, caring and weird in unexplained ways. Lol!
For me, my favorite day in the world was when I was born to my PAPA! There is this surety in life when you are with your father, that no matter how bad life gets, one stroke of his hand on your head will wipe away all worries. Such is the power of a father. His eyes will speak volumes of compassion and protection for his daughter, oh don't get started about how possessive a father is for his daughter, Lol!
Mind is what we make of it, feelings are how we deal with them and love is reflected how we treat others. For me, my life revolves around my family. For what I am in flesh and blood is how I have lived, fought, battled and loved my way through life even as it is going on.
Family comes first. Fathers! The one and most singular influence that can shape and reflect in a child's life. A father and daughter relationship will forever be unexplained and yet the most endearing one any family can encounter. A girl's first true love is always her dad. She sees her hero, her idol and her safe nest in her father's eyes. Rest assured, I am a proud daddy's lil' baby!
They say God could not be everywhere so they made moms, true. I think God knew a lot .. He created angels, protectors, faith and taught honor to mankind by sending dads.
We as girls try to find ways to impress our dad, may it be by knowledge, talent or just being downright pampered. Little do we dummies know that in our father's eyes we are the most priceless possession they could have.
In life, no matter how low I was or how happy I was, I always knew I had my dad to who'd always say " Baby, no matter how bad the situation is in life, don't worry till I'm alive, no one has the strength to do you harm." How do you hear such words and not feel safe? How can you hear something that has unquestionable power and calm and not feel secure? For me, my dad, has always been and always will be my strength and my way to never quit.
"Times get hard, people will change, but know one thing, Papa's a call away" .. Things like these, cute things dad used to say. I mean come on, it used to sound so funny sometimes and I used to be like "really?" And then we used to laugh. I have learnt so much, so much in life in such less time that I have lived.
I have grown and changed as an individual drastically in the last few years. When someone you've banked on all your life and felt secure in presence of suddenly .. When something so drastic and unimaginable slaps you in the face, life leaves you a hole you can't really fill. My lowest in life has been when my Hero, my God, my Idol and my strength - Papa; passed away. A hole? A space? A void? I was deranged.. Felt physically handicapped, mentally flushed, looking at people for answers with the same question everytime with an answer that was forever understood. Losing someone is heartbreaking unquestionably. Losing someone in front of your eyes standing incapable of help or unsure if your final words are heard or even registering to the one sole person your life revolves around at his last moments........... I cannot explain the desperation, the pain, the frustration and the prayers you make to God or the devil to reverse time.
No amount of assurance from friends, no amount of prayers or no amount of time can fill a loss that has left a part of you defenseless and wounded.
Whatever I am, if good I owe it to my dad and mom. If bad, maybe whatever lessons I have learnt along way have really left a mark. In life, there is a time to grow up and we all do, no doubt. Growing up only got harder when reality hit me - it was time to bid farewell to all dreams that once I'd seen keeping my vision with dad in mind. Realizing each day, when I wake up, when I go greet his photograph its hard to believe I won't get to hug and kiss him good morning which he really got mad at if I did not. That I wouldn't share all the half made up stories that he easily caught and said "Beta, Tera papa hu, gappe kam mar". I would no longer listen to the experiences he had to share. The music I grew up listening to because of him .. Eagles, Elvis, Andy Williams .. The movies and documentaries we used to watch together and not sleep half nights debating and discussing the truth and rubbish in them. Debating on whether "Que sera sera" or "Angelo" was better to listen to. Discussing wars and history.... Yes! That's what my dad and I did, always discuss things like friends. I mean who does that? Sports, music, politics, people, rights and wrongs .. Motivation and of course the strict business all out of love and nothing but love and so much more that I can add.
As soon as they'd sleep I would turn my tv on at 2 in the night for football and dad used to wake up and check up on me in my room and go, "what match?" And then grab his seat next to me and ask "Chai? popcorn?" used to be like Gosh! I cannot get over how much fun life was with my Papa. Watching television at night and then after the match he used to be like "if you don't wake up for school tomorrow ..." And smile. The gravity of a father daughter relationship is epic. Even as I say all this I don't know whether I'm smiling or .. You know ..
People say you get used to not having someone in life, ask us, none of us, not a day goes by where we don't remember dad. On lookers and so called "good wishers" speculate on how happy we seem to be and frame morally disturbing statements. Do you as outsiders really bloody care what happens? No! We plaster smiles on our faces because that's what we have been taught "face life, it only gets harder, smile."
On Father's Day our dad used to get so mad at us if we didn't wake up early and greet him with hugs and wishes. Sometimes, we used to actually let half day go by to test his patience and he would be like "Mother's ko Hi sari importance? Hah! No one loves dad?" Till date, Father's Day has always been more in mind than any other day because of the importance a single man held in my life - my dad.
There will never be going back to him when I am in trouble, never will I get to see him again, no more hugs, no more hand on my head to calm me down.. No more discussions that matter as education on life, no more .. Well he's no more.. But he lives.. In memories. You live in my memories and you live and exist in my life so much so I know you're looking down at me right now and thinking why am I up so late and what the hell is keeping me up.. Well, it's you Papa! Happy Father's Day .. I love you to the moon and back.. One thing I am sure of is.. Maybe our time this life has been denied or expired, maybe I won't learn more or hear you again, but someday I will see on on the other side and I will hug you so tight...
So yes, thoughts that can lead you to a low sometimes, just reliving memories can bring you happiness with excruciating reality check.. But that's what life is.. Living and playing your part out right till the very end.
To all the sons and daughters and grandchildren and people, love your parents, we all come with a limited time and once our part is done, there is no staying back. Go run to your parents and tell them you love them, they expect nothing but love from you and that's the ground reality.
Happy Father's Day to all the dad's in the world! :D
For me you have and always will be my inspiration and reason to take life positively because you even in your lows never ever gave up.
Love you Papa..
Xoxo
very well written..incredibly moving..
ReplyDeleteThis was so touching.
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