Wednesday, June 19, 2013

She is .... Her

Why'd you want to take on the crowd?
Why'd you want to nest a doubt?
Why'd you want to judge at all?
Is it all you can make of her, it's your call.



Why'd you want to dread her soul?
Why'd you want to narrow her down?
Why'd you want to creep her out?
She's only herself, not chasing the crowd.



She's the breeze from the wild,
She's the reason you defy your sigh,
She's the belief you gave up on,
You won't be sorry, don't pour your hate on.




She's the water that rebelled the stream, 
She's the breeze that freed your dream,
She's the hope you juggled for,
Don't bind her in chains of character and doubt.

She has her high, she has her lows,
She doubts her will, thanks to many blows,
She has a heart, brittle and wounded,
She won't believe the praises, she outgrew it all.




She searches for the hand she once held,
She longs for her misery dead and gone,
She wants her world free of sadness,
She will wait her time and see what passes.

She's destined to battle, to be scarred and bruised,
She puts her smile on, like an Angel's charm,
She wears a Halo, absolutely pure,
She's human, she's a hero, she'll bare it all.

Go on now, call her names,
All she will do is, fear and fall again,
She falls to only rise again,
She's herself, she will love again.




Fetch her sorrow, fetch her thorns,
She'll shake it all off, watch on,
Fetch her worry, scar her heart,
You're making her stronger, indestructible of course.

She's carefree, a rebel, shrugs faults out,
Hugs herself, holds her head high never a doubt,
She's naive, maybe stupid, she knows it all,
Careful yet living, a paradise, her own.




She's herself, original, not yours to puppet around,
She's brilliance, majestic, you'll watch it all,
Heaven or Hell, above and beyond,
She's herself, she's never gone, always wearing her invisible crown.

Love,
Tash
Xoxo








Saturday, June 15, 2013

Tribute to My Idol, Papa.

Perceive what can be done, refrain from thoughts that pull you down. This is something I always say to myself. Defeat whatever is defeating you. Yep, philosophy is the way to go sometimes. Generally, I am as friends call me .. Positive, fun loving, caring and weird in unexplained ways. Lol!

Mind is what we make of it, feelings are how we deal with them and love is reflected how we treat others. For me, my life revolves around my family. For what I am in flesh and blood is how I have lived, fought, battled and loved my way through life even as it is going on.

Family comes first. Fathers! The one and most singular influence that can shape and reflect in a child's life. A father and daughter relationship will forever be unexplained and yet the most endearing one any family can encounter. A girl's first true love is always her dad. She sees her hero, her idol and her safe nest in her father's eyes. Rest assured, I am a proud daddy's lil' baby!

                  

They say God could not be everywhere so they made moms, true. I think God knew a lot .. He created angels, protectors, faith and taught honor to mankind by sending dads. 

We as girls try to find ways to impress our dad, may it be by knowledge, talent or just being downright pampered. Little do we dummies know that in our father's eyes we are the most priceless possession they could have. 


       
For me, my favorite day in the world was when I was born to my PAPA! There is this surety in life when you are with your father, that no matter how bad life gets, one stroke of his hand on your head will wipe away all worries. Such is the power of a father. His eyes will speak volumes of compassion and protection for his daughter, oh don't get started about how possessive a father is for his daughter, Lol! 

In life, no matter how low I was or how happy I was, I always knew I had my dad to who'd always say " Baby, no matter how bad the situation is in life, don't worry till I'm alive, no one has the strength to do you harm." How do you hear such words and not feel safe? How can you hear something that has unquestionable power and calm and not feel secure? For me, my dad, has always been and always will be my strength and my way to never quit.

"Times get hard, people will change, but know one thing, Papa's a call away" .. Things like these, cute things dad used to say. I mean come on, it used to sound so funny sometimes and I used to be like "really?" And then we used to laugh. I have learnt so much, so much in life in such less time that I have lived. 

I have grown and changed as an individual drastically in the last few years. When someone you've banked on all your life and felt secure in presence of suddenly .. When something so drastic and unimaginable slaps you in the face, life leaves you a hole you can't really fill. My lowest in life has been when my Hero, my God, my Idol and my strength - Papa; passed away. A hole? A space? A void? I was deranged.. Felt physically handicapped, mentally flushed, looking at people for answers with the same question everytime with an answer that was forever understood. Losing someone is heartbreaking unquestionably. Losing someone in front of your eyes standing incapable of help or unsure if your final words are heard or even registering to the one sole person your life revolves around at his last moments........... I cannot explain the desperation, the pain, the frustration and the prayers you make to God or the devil to reverse time.



No amount of assurance from friends, no amount of prayers or no amount of time can fill a loss that has left a part of you defenseless and wounded.

Whatever I am, if good I owe it to my dad and mom. If bad, maybe whatever lessons I have learnt along way have really left a mark. In life, there is a time to grow up and we all do, no doubt. Growing up only got harder when reality hit me - it was time to bid farewell to all dreams that once I'd seen keeping my vision with dad in mind. Realizing each day, when I wake up, when I go greet his photograph its hard to believe I won't get to hug and kiss him good morning which he really got mad at if I did not. That I wouldn't share all the half made up stories that he easily caught and said "Beta, Tera papa hu, gappe kam mar". I would no longer listen to the experiences he had to share. The music I grew up listening to because of him .. Eagles, Elvis, Andy Williams .. The movies and documentaries we used to watch together and not sleep half nights debating and discussing the truth and rubbish in them. Debating on whether "Que sera sera" or "Angelo" was better to listen to. Discussing wars and history.... Yes! That's what my dad and I did, always discuss things like friends. I mean who does that? Sports, music, politics, people, rights and wrongs .. Motivation and of course the strict business all out of love and nothing but love and so much more that I can add.

As soon as they'd sleep I would turn my tv on at 2 in the night for football and dad used to wake up and check up on me in my room and go, "what match?" And then grab his seat next to me and ask "Chai? popcorn?" used to be like Gosh! I cannot get over how much fun life was with my Papa. Watching television at night and then after the match he used to be like "if you don't wake up for school tomorrow ..." And smile. The gravity of a father daughter relationship is epic. Even as I say all this I don't know whether I'm smiling or .. You know .. 

                    
    

People say you get used to not having someone in life, ask us, none of us, not a day goes by where we don't remember dad. On lookers and so called "good wishers" speculate on how happy we seem to be and frame morally disturbing statements. Do you as outsiders really bloody care what happens? No! We plaster smiles on our faces because that's what we have been taught "face life, it only gets harder, smile." 

On Father's Day our dad used to get so mad at us if we didn't wake up early and greet him with hugs and wishes. Sometimes, we used to actually let half day go by to test his patience and he would be like "Mother's ko Hi sari importance? Hah! No one loves dad?" Till date, Father's Day has always been more in mind than any other day because of the importance a single man held in my life - my dad.

There will never be going back to him when I am in trouble, never will I get to see him again, no more hugs, no more hand on my head to calm me down.. No more discussions that matter as education on life, no more .. Well he's no more.. But he lives.. In memories. You live in my memories and you live and exist in my life so much so I know you're looking down at me right now and thinking why am I up so late and what the hell is keeping me up.. Well, it's you Papa! Happy Father's Day .. I love you to the moon and back.. One thing I am sure of is.. Maybe our time this life has been denied or expired, maybe I won't learn more or hear you again, but someday I will see on on the other side and I will hug you so tight...


So yes, thoughts that can lead you to a low sometimes, just reliving memories can bring you happiness with excruciating reality check.. But that's what life is.. Living and playing your part out right till the very end.

To all the sons and daughters and grandchildren and people, love your parents, we all come with a limited time and once our part is done, there is no staying back. Go run to your parents and tell them you love them, they expect nothing but love from you and that's the ground reality.

Happy Father's Day to all the dad's in the world! :D

For me you have and always will be my inspiration and reason to take life positively because you even in your lows never ever gave up.

Love you Papa..
Xoxo




Tuesday, November 27, 2012

What else breaks with a break up?

Break ups! The word itself sends an Ouch down your mind.. Doesn't it?

Break up has its own lil pain and its own lil pluses (You don't say?). Strange is, to many of us it sounds tragic and to many of you, it might sound freedom. This world is crooked I tell you.

Break up is not necessarily with just your girlfriend or boyfriend or love, it can be with your unspoken crush, your friend, your best friend or even your imaginary boyfriend (don't go judging me).

Love and heartbreaks, all that is common, very sad, very tragic and very hurting blah blah blah (sorry for the lack of enthusiasm, but been there done that sort of a thing and its pretty much an everyday thing) .. So my point being (yes I do have a point) the most heart breaking break up is .. When you break up with your best friend.. Yes.. Before you go saying whatever, give it a deep thought, what would you do waking up and not having that one person you wanna complain about your lousy day or bad relation, your dispute with family or crappy colleagues at work? What would life be if your friend didn't kick your butt and get you going when you are low, or when she/ he comforted you when you thought you couldn't get out of your deep pit of dark? What if you BROKE UP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND? Would you ever be able to fix that feeling, or ever replace that one true friend?


My bets are, you cannot. You may replace love, boyfriends or girlfriends, jump from one crush to another but a best friend? My friend you are in for some deep serious shit if your best friend is gone.. To that matter, you know how it sucks when your BFF doesn't have time for you or suddenly starts behaving in this strange uncalled manner, isn't that like so damn annoying? When they don't understand that their tiny change in behavior is magnified cuz you're their best friend, they're dumb, why don't they just say what's bothering them instead? You wanna kick some sense in them and say "bitch don't you dare leave me or I'll haunt you after death" ..

Love is complex, it's scary. Friendship? It's easy, sorted but very hard to maintain and uphold.

Always love your best friend, because if I didn't wake up tomorrow, I want my best friend to know that even when I died, he/ she was one of the last people I thought of before Poofed. Lol!

Here's wishing, friendships always remain the most vital part of our life and they be a part of our life forever.

Peace.
Xoxo



Friday, November 23, 2012

If You Were....

(This One is for you Brenda, My BFF)

If you were a stranger, look what you've come to be,
My very own happiness, magical indeed.
If you were lost, look what you've found,
You and Me together, aren't we the most grand friends around?

If you were in pain, look what you've overcome,
Happiness surrounds you, it's just a tap around.
If you felt uneasy, tell me what's it about,
You never know Babeh, we'll both sort it out.

I never knew you'd matter so much, never at all,
But I can't imagine my life, without you at all.
Oceans across, we wonder when we'll meet,
I promise, I'll love you, forever will it be.

If you were star, I'd wait all day to see you,
If you were a star, I'd wish the sun never shone.
If you were a Wish, You're such a dream come true,
You are so dear, I fear losing you.

People may come, people may go,
It's a part of life, they leave a mark whenever they go.
You're my best friend, no one can change that,
You'll always find me by your side.

Lots of love,
Now and Forever,
Tash.

P.S. Love you to the moon and back. XD




Thursday, September 13, 2012

Stranger I fell for.. (2)

Chase crashed on his bed as soon as he reached his apartment and groaned as he buried his face in the pillow. His TV screen roared to life at 8:30 AM his second back-up alarm just in case. Chase was in no mind to get off his bed when he heard his phone nag him again, he mumbled under his breath and flipped it on his voice muffled against the pillow he spoke "Yep?" almost nonchalantly. It was Noel who said "Dude, are you even going to make it to the classes today? I have a very short tempered Girlfriend you know?".
For the nice man Chase was he fought the urge to insult him and said "Be there in an hour's time Noel."

Chase was what seemed like Lost for some odd reason, he picked up his black hoodie and shredded pair of denims and headed for the shower, his favourite time of the day. He usually had the speakers blasting music while he took a bath "Rock and Roll Baby" he exclaimed as he took a shower and sung along the song "Rockstar" By Nickelback "Heyyy Eh I wanna be a rockstar" .. Chase always thought of music to be a wonder. It was what seemed to make him smile or allow him whatever he wanted to do by being a constant assurance. He draped a towel on his waist and walked out the shower quickly getting dressed and doing a silly double take in the mirror checking the bounce in his hair "Dimwit" he muttered laughing. He grabbed his bag and downed a glass of juice before heading off. "Almost forgot" He said to himself in amusement and ran to his bed to pick up his phone and checked for calls and shoved the phone down his denims.

On his way to the classes, Chase stopped at the "Bittersweet Bouquet" to pick up a dozen of fresh lilies for Lidia who was Noel's only girlfriend who tolerated his banter for some odd reason. Chase really thought of them to be very cute together. They fought and made out like crazy all the time. He tipped the fair blonde girl generously before he left the flower shop. Chase to his amazement got in his car and placed the lilies almost so gently and smiled. His thoughts ran back to earlier that morning, the girl he bumped in with, the way she cussed and how tiny she looked, the confidence she held and how he got tongue tied and wished he'd spoken something in return. Chase reached his classes and saw Noel waiting there with looks as if he were left alone with a Hound Dog, "Chase. Dude. Buddy. You're a life saver. I love you man. In the most Brotherly way yeah?" Noel blabbered and Chase shook his head and waived him away "Go celebrate already, or should I just tell her what happened?" he raised a brow mockingly. Noel patted Chase's shoulder and ran off with his lilies.

Chase looked up into the sky and pushed away his shades almost immediately. It was strange that the weather almost in no time turned from sunny and bright to a gloomy one. "Great! Rains again? Don't remember any good happening with rains" he shook his head and threw the bag on his shoulder and locked the door when suddenly it started to drizzle. Chase saw a few girls from the class staring at him as he ran into the premises, nothing new, he knew what girls in his class wanted with  him and he was just not interested. Chase was running and returning a Hi to one of the guys when he slipped on the wet marble and landed on this girl who fell down now pinned under him. "For the love of ...." She exclaimed while rubbing her  temples "Could you get off me?" She scowled. Chase couldn't believe he'd been so clumsy TWICE the same day and scattered to his feet and apologetically offered a hand to her "I am so so sorry Ma'am I .." there she was, the girl from this morning. Her face was not an easy one to forget. She took his hand and stood up and said "What is with this city? Everyone wants to throw you off to the ground and .. " she squinted at Chase "YOU" she said accusingly, "YOU are the guy from this morning. The same guy who .. What on Earth .. JESUS! Is this how you meet people in general or am I just that lucky to be falling down like a stack of cards.?" Chase couldn't help hide a pleased smile for some reason, he was glad he saw her, but felt guilty to have knocked her down. He pulled her up and spoke this time "Chase. I'm Chase! I didn't mean to do that honestly I got distracted both the times." She didn't buy it "Sorry. I think you should be Sorry that's what." she scowled and tucked her hair behind her ear gently not taking notice of Chase as other females would've and simply scrammed off without a moment's delay obviously pissed at him.

Chase couldn't help but frown this time and look at her stomping her feet and walking off to a different direction, how he wished he could convince her he was innocent. "Strike 2" was what he said and shook his head, he thought he wouldn't see her again. But he was surprised that he even thought that before until he met her now. He wished he'd met her differently, not just knocking her down every time he saw her and again to his wonder he was amazed he had even wanted to meet her .. Let alone differently. Chase's skin burned with a feeling he couldn't comprehend. He didn't want to attend his class, he felt a surge of guilt and curiosity in him since morning. Yet he wanted to know who SHE was. Chase strolled down to the Cafeteria and sat on the most distant seat possible throwing his bag on the table and his head buried in his hands. "Who are you?" he asked almost in surprise to himself as if the image in his head would answer his question. He plugged in his earphones and let it take over him as he obviously wasn't in the right mind and recalled him say earlier "Don't remember any good happening with rains" .. He smiled shaking his head and sunk into the Sofa shutting his eyes, pulling over his Hoodie over his face.


----------------------------------------- Part 2---------------------------------------------------------